Today was the first round of immunizations. I was concerned about injecting this perfect baby boy with any sort of medicine or disease or whatever they do. I was concerned for his future health. Concerned about negative side effects. Concerned I wasn't doing what was best for him. I ultimately decided..with a little help from Dr. Sears...that I would only give 2. And so there we were. The public health department. My mind was racing. I held him tight and let him suck a little before we were called in. The nurse started with the oral dose. She was patient. She wiped his mouth after each drop. Gave it slowly and reassured me that it tasted sweet. He didn't cry. I held my breath as she reached for the needle for the second dose. As she stuck him, Elliott gave out a little shriek and suddenly the tears started to flow. Mine. I felt guilty and immediately questioned my decision. He fell asleep in the car and then slept peacefully as mom and I ate lunch. I watched him sleep that afternoon at home. Couldn't take my eyes off him. Rocked him and patted him. And other then a little extra sleeping...things appear to be fine. Keeping this little boy safe is my job and putting him purposely in danger (even if it is for his ultimate safety) did not feel right at all. Exhale.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams. I love you Elliott.
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