Laughter

The other day I was playing with Elliott on the bed. I had him propped up against a pillow and was talking to him and singing to him playing with his feet. He's interacting so much more and it makes me laugh to watch him focus on me and talk to me with his eyes. I gave him a few tickles on the belly and he gave his biggest open mouth smile. I love that face. You can't help but smile right back at him. Today, though, I noticed that he was laughing when he did the big smile! It's not quite a full laugh...just some noise coming out..but it's definitely the beginnings of laughter. Soon enough there will be giggles. Hours of laughter at the smallest things. Pure joy.

Toys

I ordered some new toys for Elliott and they got delivered today. He is starting to be able to have a little more control of his hands and is ready to start learning to grasp things on his own. I have been noticing that lately he loves to suck on his fingers and especially his arm. He hasn't quite figured out how to bring his hands up to his mouth, so he usually bends down to bring his mouth to his hands. It's funny to watch him try and try to get his hands into his mouth. Today he sucked and sucked on his arm while he was leaning on my shoulder. He left little hickies on his own arm. Poor little guy. Then tonight at dinner iwth my friend Trish, I noticed that he was sucking his thumb!! This was the first time he's ever gotten just his thumb into his mouth. It is usually curled into his fist. It's exciting to watch him with his hands, it makes me realize that he is not only growing, but starting to learn how to do something on his own. Learning that his hands are something that he can control and also that he can start to control his grasp on things. For now I have to place a toy into his hand and he will grasp it, but soon enough he will be reaching for and grasping things on his own. We take for granted all the little things babies have to learn how to do...one day he'll just do these things without my help. He'll sit up, walk, talk...I am so excited to watch him learn.

3 Months

Elliott turned 3 months old on Friday. It has gone by just as fast as everyone said it would. He is different every day. The weeks was so nice. Getting to spend time with Selah and Zane was really special. Friday was also Zane's grandfather's viewing. I was nervous to go since I had never been to anything like that before, but I knew it meant a lot to my dad who was good friends with George and also to Zane. It's hard to watch a family grieve. Hard to watch people you love so sad over the loss of another loved one. I think I squeezed Elliott the whole time and then the next day at the service. My eyes welled with tears as I realized how short our lives really are. But looking at that family I also realized how much can be accomplished in our lives. Since the day I found out I was pregnant, I have made an effort to focus my life on positive things. Surround myself with positive and supportive people. After all, you only get this one chance. You don't really get a redo. Having Elliott at the funeral service was also a reminder of the circle of life. Things go on...move forward. So it's important to take note of the changes, of the little things, of the small moments. And never forget to say I love you. It's important.

Birthday

Yesterday was my 32nd birthday! Last year Selah took me on an adventure to St. Augustine and Gainesville. We saw three shows, went to football, and partied it up for a whole weekend. It never occurred to me that this year we would be celebrating my birthday with my son. My birthday week started on Sunday with a family dinner at mom and dad's. Selah got into town late Monday night and we spent time playing with Elliott and lounging around watching tv. Zane's been here since his grandfather was sick and we got to spend some time with him. It's my favorite thing to have them both here...there are few people that can make me laugh the way they do. I decided that I was ready to leave Elliott with my mom and go out with them for a birthday dinner. Of course I was nervous about really leaving Elliott for an extended amount of time, but I knew that putting him to bed before I left would make it a little easier. My mom stayed with him and I only cried a little when I left. He stayed asleep the whole time and I lasted almost 3 hours out without him. I couldn't wait for the moment I got back and could watch him sleeping. While things are definitely different this year, and my past birthday's were all amazing, this one was the best. The most meaningful and definitely the most special. My first year as a mommy and my first year with Elliott. I couldn't wish for anything better.

Grandma

My mom left for a conference this morning and so that makes today the first day she has spent away from Elliott. She has been there for us everyday since he was born in one way or another. From the moment I told her I was pregnant my mom has been there for me in every way. She has shared in this pure joy that I have felt since then and while there are certainly moments where I feel overwhelmed or even annoyed, I have to stop and realize that everything she does is out of love for me and for my son, her new grandchild. My parents have both been supportive and there is nothing better then seeing them with Elliott. Today was also the first day I left Elliott home. I had an interview, so he stayed with Aunt Tina. It's so strange to walk out the door and get into the car without him. After the interview I made a quick run to Publix, which was really strange without Elliott. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. It's definitely hard to think about returning to work and leaving him all day. But at least I am leaving him with grandma or Aunt Tina. This is one thing I have to do to provide for him and give him the best that I can. For now I am cherishing every day I get to spend with Elliott and all the days we get to spend with family and friends. Love is watching someone grow.

Growing

It is absolutely amazing to me that Elliott is growing so much so fast. Everyone said it would happen. And it has...right before my eyes. I swear sometimes he looks different in the morning then he did when we went to bed the night before. A little more hair, eyes a little more focused. Taller. Fatter. I took him to the pediatrician on Tuesday because he had a little rash that I started to panic about. Nothing to worry about, but I just had to make sure. He weighed 15 pounds 10.7 ounces. He has doubled in size since he was born. And all he eats is my milk. It's truly amazing. I could never have imagined how in awe I would be of him. Every moment is a moment of growth, of learning, of joy and love. For both of us. As much as he will learn from me in his life....I am learning twice as much from him. He is teaching me how to be a mommy, what it means to sacrifice, what happiness and love can really be, and so so much more. I am thankful everyday. I cannot say it enough.

Mom Groups

I am trying to be open minded about meeting other mom's and hanging out in "mom groups." I go to a nursing mom's group at Morton Plant, mommy and me yoga, and today I went to a different nursing mom's group at Mease Countryside. I think it's important for me to have connections with other moms and become part of some new social circles that involves other people with kids, but it's hard for me to be open to making new friends. I've been lucky to have a pretty amazing group of friends, some of which I have known since elementary school. I feel like we all know each other so well. Things just pick up right where they left off. Like when Juli came over today. I haven't seen her in over a year and it was like no time had passed. She got to meet Elliott and even with this big change in my life, things just fall right back into place. Meeting new people means having to open up and almost start over again. They don't know my background, my quirks, my likes and dislikes....etc, etc. But I am trying to be open minded. It may take some time, but I think Elliott and I will find our place. We'll meet some new people and I know we will both be better off for it.