Worry

Today was Elliott's second round of shots. Since I have decided to separate the shots according to the Dr. Sears Alternative Schedule, I take him every month to get two shots. Today was the HIB and the PC and it's just so hard for me to watch someone inflict even the tiniest bit of pain onto my baby. It's hard to realize that his little screech is a reaction to pain...hard to hold him in my arms and let that happen. He did good though, only did a little crying. I would definitely say I did more then he did. He fell asleep in the car on the way home and stayed asleep as I moved him from the car into his room. That was 5 hours ago and he is still asleep. He woke up briefly just to eat and then fell back asleep on my shoulder in the rocking chair. I  keep checking him. Standing over him. Watching him. Listening to him through the monitor. A mom's worry is not like any kind of worry I have ever experienced in my life. I never want my baby to be sick, or hurt, or upset. I never want him to feel scared or worried. If I could I would keep him safe in a little bubble forever...kind of like before he was born. But I know I can't and I will worry. I will watch him and stand over him. I will hug him too much and kiss him too much. I will spoil him and love him. Because that's my job. That's what being a mom means to me.